I was exhausted last night because I still needed to catch up on restorative sleep. That's one of the ongoing, although minor, problems associated with the fibro. It's easily fixed with Benadryl a couple nights in a row. Usually I just take one, but because I was feeling very ragged I took two. Incidentally, I had also increased my pain medication from 3 to 4 pills every day before bedtime.

Around 8pm, I decided that falling asleep in front of the TV would be the best way to spend my evening. I got into my cozy jammies, cranked up the heating pad, took my meds, and cuddled up in bed. I was exhausted, but over the next couple of hours couldn't sleep because my heart was pounding. I didn't get to sleep until well past 10pm, when my heart rate slowed down and I could listen to the cars drive by (which always calms me down as it helps with the tinnitus.)

Turns out that the interaction between the two meds can cause tachycardia, a faster than normal heart rate. Next time I'll take one or the other, but not both at the same time.

I am about ready to go home, over an hour late at work spent finishing an accreditation report. The boss sprung this on me at the last minute, but I managed to get it done. I am SO glad to go home. I think that I deserve some chocolate cake.

I kind of discovered this quite by mistake, but sitting on a hot heating pad feels wonderful. I usually use it for my back, and had brought it in to work today. It didn't even make it to my back. Cranked up to 130º this is seriously fantastic on my ass.

Miu Miu sweater coat from my sister
Laughing at voice overs on The Next Iron Chef
Oblivious jellyfish
Weleda skin food on ebay at 50% off retail
Starbucks caramel brulee latte with whipped cream
Cell phones under warranty
Fresh baked bread
Wine and vodka tasting
Peanut shells on the floor

I'm currently in a cycle where I'll lose about 5 pounds or so, then gain it all back. The holidays aren't going to make this very easy, either. I sort of gave up this morning and ate a bunch of oreos.

I had a very good talk with Jasper yesterday. He had a lot of worries about the wedding next year. He thought that our lives might change a lot after the wedding. We ran through best case/worst case scenarios to give his concerns some shape, and to gain more perspective. He got really excited when we started talking about menus and music, since I said that he can make suggestions. His mood picked up a lot. He started bouncing around and played me some music from his ipod.

Yesterday I got to go home early because Jasper wasn't feeling well. I picked him up from school and gave him some mild comforting food along with some herbs to help his tummy. His dad picked him up later that afternoon, and I spent much of the time doing pretty much nothing.

Later that night Corey and I went to Brasserie Jo in Boston for a wine and vodka tasting. It was a special invite because my department has hosted functions there. Another couple at our table had a great sense of humor, so the night went by pretty fast. Corey had a hard day at work and unwinding with fabulous cocktails and food was just the right thing for us to do. We even had our caricature drawn while we were there, and I think it's pretty good. :)

I love these!  Machine washable too.

http://www.reusies.com/

Corey and I take lunch to work, and I feel badly using little plastic bags that get used once then thrown away.

It was a very productive weekend.  Corey and I made apple crisp, baked chicken, shepherd's pie, fresh bread, and cinnamon treats like Corey's mom makes from homemade pie crust.  When I'm in a good mood with a lot of time available, I always like to cook.  I threw in some butternut squash to bake so that when my sister comes to visit in a couple of days, I can scoop it out and make a nice soup out of it.  Corey did the laundry and I poked around to see what we have in the pantry, then made a new list of dinner menus out of what we had. 

Jasper invited a couple of friends over on Sunday.  The kids were so happy to hang out.  They played Nerf Wars, Monopoly and Halo.  I made them berry smoothies and played some FFXI while Monopoly was going on.  I caught half of a movie on Lifetime and gave my hair a good wash with my baking soda and apple cider vinegar rinses.  Snuggled on the couch and watched The Boondock Saints with Corey once all the kids were gone.  I'm a little surprised that I never heard of that movie, it was really good.

I've got the day off on Wednesday coming up, and looking forward to it.  Maybe I'll make some more fresh bread.  I used the book Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day this weekend, and wow!  Amazing bread is finally easy.  I used to bake bread with mixed results and I really hate the kneading.  This bread required almost no effort.  There is another book that I really want called Healthy Bread in 5 Minutes a Day.  The author describes everything in step by step instructions without pictures, but nonetheless you get a clear idea as to what consistency you are looking for, and why you do things a certain way without getting technical or wordy.  Highly recommended.

Went to bed late last night and I can feel it.  I usually need about 9 hours to feel rested, and even then have to take Benadryl every so often to gain deeper levels of sleep.  I was feeling very energetic last night and probably could have stayed up until midnight, but I'm glad I didn't.  At least I'm not as fatigued in the evenings lately.  I used to get sleepy around 7pm.

I think I'm going to need to go to the gym at lunchtime, instead of waking up an hour early the way I used to do for my workouts.  I don't do well on reduced sleep, and I'm going to need to be compassionate toward myself in this regard.  I'll pack my gear into the car this weekend, and am determined to get a fresh start on this workout thing next week.  That's the plan, anyway.

I had another filling replaced today.  I love my dentist.  When I had my first cavity in like 10 years, I was so scared that it was going to hurt that I was shaking and starting to cry.  First you get a numbing gel, before they do a single thing.  The novocaine shot is a bit uncomfortable, but the gel helps so much.  I felt nothing after that.  I couldn't believe it.  Granted, you may drool a bit on the way home because your face is so numb, but I'd rather have that than pain.  I'm not scared of the dentist any more.  I'm actually happy when I go to my appointments.

I don't know if any of you tried this, but peas with salt and lemon juice is crazy good.  Doesn't sound like it works, but it does and I can't get enough of the stuff.  Good for you too.

I dreamt that I was looking at a doctor's report of my birth that showed brain and nervous system abnormalities, as well as ADHD. 

Starting to craft again in preparation for Xmas.  I'm very happy with the way my handmade gifts are turning out so far.  I got two done this weekend and I have like 6 more to go, in addition to various wrappings and labels and bakings.

My weight is holding on at a solid 195, and 'just eating better' isn't going to bring me back down to comfort level (180-185).  It looks as thought I'm going to have to hit the gym soon.  I'm getting used to yoga again and I'm flossing regularly.  All good things.  I'm simply reluctant to get up so much earlier for the gym when I both need and love my precious sleep.

Most of my week thus far has been getting Microsoft Entourage running for my work email.  I also took my calendar off of Google and put it into Entourage, then added my other email accounts so that I can finally see everything in one place.  Trying out Apple's Mobile Me, so I can sync Entourage to my iPod.  In the process of updating the iPhone software, some of my apps stopped working while others are magically doing better.  I fixed the problems and hopefully it will all go smoothly now (knock on wood.)

Last night I dreamt that I was working at an evil high-tech corporation similar to the Dollhouse, and I had teamed up with a co-worker to escape.  It was highly guarded and we were lucky to get out with our lives.  Only we had to come back because we wanted to retrieve confidential information in order to release it to the public.  This place had to be shut down and we were the only ones capable of doing it.

I dreamt that I went on a mass murder spree with Tess.  I am reading that it means I have resentment against someone.  It could also mean that I am putting an end to an old habit and former ways of thinking.  Either way it makes sense.  I am coming up with new strategies about how to fight fair without letting Greg bully me.  I hate him so much.

I'm in pretty good spirits today.  My fibro was acting up a lot at the end of the night Tuesday, but I cranked my heating pad up high to make it better and watched the Food Network.  Greg was in a foul mood when I picked Jasper up, because I told him in email that I could take Jasper and the house away from him at any time, so maybe he shouldn't treat me so poorly.  The kid is very intuitive and picked up on the vibe that something was going on between his dad and I, but I had a short but good talk with him about it's not all roses when trying to make things better, it's up and down a lot.  I've been using a Dr. Phil approach to this situation (no groans please!) and it seems to be working.  It also helps to have Corey on my team, I'm feeling more confident with him to back me up 100%.  I don't have to take the full force of Greg's rage alone.  Tammy has been excellent as well, she cheers me on when I feel like giving up.  She and Nhan are indispensable, because I trust their judgment and they constantly verify that I'm not the crazy one and that the steps I'm taking are reasonable.  I'm lucky to have such great people on my side.

The whole therapy-with-Greg idea is already exploding.  Greg is going to prepare a list of all the times I broke an agreement to bring with him.  I see that this is not going to be very productive at all.

Greg and I are going to enter into counseling together with the same woman who is Jasper's therapist.  I feel pretty comfortable with her.  I thought this day would only come when hell froze over, but for Jasper's sake we have to communicate better.  The added bonus is that I don't have to go to great lengths to explain that we are NOT a couple (in addition to how much we can't stand each other) to someone new.  Our first session isn't for a couple weeks.

I feel as though the cleanse has served its purpose.  I've also done more research, and changing my diet is the best thing I can do for myself, much more than any cleanse.  I'm bloated all the time because of the psyllium husk that I'm required to consume and that's annoying.  I'll probably give the rest of my cleanse materials to my sister, who will appreciate them.  I do love the green powder supplement and am definitely NOT giving that away!

The intense cravings are gone, and I've reintroduced lots of fresh fruit and more veggies without going insanely hungry.  That's exactly what I wanted from this.  I haven't touched candy in days, even though I still have a lot sitting around.  It just doesn't speak to me the same way it did before.  I'm over the hump and can start seeing food as my friend again.